Nesting without a Nest

I keep getting e-mails from Baby Center and What to Expect when you are Expecting that seem to think I should have the nursery complete, my bag packed and my birth announcements addressed and ready to slot a picture in and send out as soon as the baby arrives. As I just got back stateside, have a husband in another country and feel very much in limbo at the moment I have not done any of the aforementioned tasks. I now delete these e-mails as they stress me out. I was telling my brother last night that I feel very unsettled and restless, and his theory was I am trying to nest, but have no nest. I think he's probably right...But as there is nothing I can do about it I'll just delete e-mails telling me I am already behind the eight-ball and stop feeling like I am already a bad parent.  My approach if I don't see them then they don't exists....this behavior reminds me of an Ostrich sticking its head in the sand....and at the moment I am buried deep.

Had a laugh today when I did go on some birth announcement site (and was immediately overwhelmed so had to leave) that this is the ONLY time in life where it is acceptable and expected to send out ones height and weight with a half naked picture of oneself. If someone did that to me now, I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth and "discipline" them. In Zambia discipline generally meant kill....the guides used this term when referring to a troubling baboon that needed to be taken care of. Anyway, needless to say I would be murderous if such an announcement was released. Particulary today, when I weighed in at the doctors office and the nurse said I had gained 8 lbs since last week...Almost had a coronary on the spot until we realized 6 of those lbs where my cowboy boots. I'll blame the other pound on scale discrepancy between Grenada and the US, but at the moment I am liking the scale in Grenada much better.


Well regardless of weight issues and the fact I have no nursery set up yet, no pre labeled birth announcements, and a husband thousands of miles away, I am going to ignore all these facts and take bump over to Baltimore for the weekend to visit two individuals more irresponsible than myself. My brothers!

Going to Make a Baby

View from our window. I'll miss it over the next few weeks.

There is an expression in Grenada that locals use that had me thoroughly confused the first few times I was asked. For the last few weeks people in the grocery store, in the bank, etc...have asked me "where I am going to make my baby?"

I was pretty confused and thought can't they see that parts already been done???  Its been cooking for awhile now...but finally the penny dropped and I realized they meant where am I going to deliver the baby. After weighing the pro's and con's of delivery in the States and delivery in Grenada we decided on a stateside deliver (well baring any in flight activity) mainly due to the fact that the timing worked out well for delivery in the states. If John could not be with me I would tough it out on an island with no drugs because having my husband there was not an option for me drugs or no drugs. But as he can, we decided first baby we'll have in the US and forgo the Grenada passport. This baby is possibly entitled to 3 passports (don't tell the US govt) and 4 would really just be greedy.

The medical care in Grenada while different has been good, but I feel a bit safer knowing that if their is a complication we are in a place that is a bit better equipped to handle an emergency.

I find I have to be careful when answering this question though because it is really insulating when you hear people openly voice "oh my god I would never have my baby here" well there is a whole island full of people who were born here and survived and thrived so while the medical care may not be what I was used to it works, and the doctors and lab techs I have seen have all been very nice, very professional and taken good care of me and baby Clark. They deserve a special thanks!

To avoid sounding like a spoiled ex-pat I've hemmed and hawed and tried to say in the most diplomatic fashion why we aren't "making" the baby in Grenada and the other day I blurted out well really I just want to be close to my mom. Then it hit me.

Mom + Rach. Wonder if these genes will carry through and we'll have another mini me!

I am 32 years old and I still want my mom. Oh, my god this is for life they don't grow up and go away. Its 32 years later and I am still dependent on my mother and don't want to do this without her. In fact John and I never seem to go away. We boomerang back into our parents households for weeks at a time seeking respite from our nomadic lifestyle in the two places we know we can relax and unwind. Home. Be it Malawi or Virginia there is nothing like going home to momma.

John and his Mum!

When Baby Clark makes his/her entrance I'll have my mom by my side. Sadly John will not as logistically it was tough to work out. I know he'll miss having his mum there. I'll miss her, but I hope she knows she is an integral part of this process and the love and support she sends us can be felt across oceans, time zones and continents.

Hope this baby looks like its grandmothers. That will be one good looking baby!

So, when I leave tomorrow to go and "make" this baby I leave knowing that when this little guy or girl arrives our commitment is for the long haul. I hope I can raise this baby with the same grace, patience, love understanding and forgiveness that our mom's were able to raise John and I with. I also hope in 32 years time he or she will still want us by their side as they await one of life's biggest occasions. 

The last few months

I haven't been writing as I've been too busy modeling

It seems despite my best intentions to try and regularly update and write a blog I am a miserable failure. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever write again once the baby comes, when I might actually have a legitimate excuse for not writing. At the moment my excuse is I am too hot and don't have anything interesting to say. It's been over two months since I've really written so figured I'll do a quick update of what has been happening in Grenada before I leave on Saturday to wait for the arrival of Baby Clark.

Bathsheba Beach in Barbados

1) A few steps closer to African-American status! We traveled to Barbados a few weeks ago to be interviewed for John's permanent resident permit. Since the US government requires all immigrants to be poked, prodded and thoroughly violated we had to go over a few days early for John's health inspection. That process in itself could probably be it's own blog post, but as I was not subjected to the humiliation I'll leave John to fill in the details. All I'll say is that the hospital looked like something from the 1950's complete with its own nurse Rachet. John's unfortunate physical experience did allow us some time to explore the island and we really enjoyed our last trip before the bambino, though we were a little nervous about our upcoming interview. Thankfully I have family in Barbados who took us in and played tour guide and fed us while we anxiously awaited the embassy interrogation. Big thanks to Ginger and Yuri for their hospitality.

Our Tour Guide and Excellent Hostess my Cousin Ginger!

Turns out we didn't need to be nervous at all. They didn't want one scrap of proof  that our marriage was the real thing. I couldn't even get the official to look at our wedding photos...Here is a tip for all future brides: When spending an exorbitant amount of money on wedding photos remember that after the day no one, not even an immigration official will want to look at them. Our process was quick(well it had been over a year in the making) and easy and there were no questions about who slept where or the color of toothbrushes. The embassy official did say he'd been watching us and could tell we were married...I think this may have been due to the fact we were having a "celebrity marriage" moment while waiting. So a tip for future immigrant applicants: don't act in love, act married i.e. have a fight!

One of our Wedding photos the Embassy Official didn't want to see

2) Since I last posted I've had a birthday. Numbers don't matter ( a lady never reveals her age...unless you are my mother who claims 29) but it was a lovely day on the beach with good friends who all came out to BBQ and lime.

The Chefs

My Liming Buddies

Baseball/Rounders who knows...

3) We've had a pregnancy photo shoot. Much to my husbands dismay. A very talented young lady took our photos and I think we'll see lots more of her work. Thanks Ashley! Check her out at http://ashleywillisphotography.blogspot.com

One of the many fun photos she took

4) We weathered Hurricane Tomas. Hurricane never actually came anywhere close to hitting us, but the panic that ensued looked like the end was near. The whole island went mad. Grocery stores were mobbed, the gas stations lines made you think we were in Zimbabwe not Grenada, and the rumors that flew around spread faster than 7th grade girl gossip at recess. All the panic however, did not keep us from our regular haunt, the boatyard, and we decided to ride out the Hurricane with the rest of the Grenada bar flys. No hurricane but plenty of hangovers the next day! 

What happens after too much Carib at the Boatyard

 5) For once I haven't had car trouble. Though I did have a flat on Friday and luckily the Mongolian Sushi chef, kung fu champion and trainer of Russian soldiers in hand -to- hand combat, Zoro, rescued me and changed my flat. John is worried I have indebted us to someone who could kill him with his pinkie, but I think a case of carib will clear our debt. Thank you Zoro!

My favorite sushi chef and rescuer!

6) I did my first guest lecture for the event planning class at St. George's University. It was fun, but what a lot of work. I have a new respect for teachers.

7) I've started nesting and ripped apart our cabinets and boiled everything in our house. As we have no dishwasher or running hot water (yes, we have to boil water to do the dishes). I literally spent one evening boiling utensils, cups and whatever I could fit into my big pots on the stove. After all the scrubbing and cleaning I dramatically announced that we had to move as I could not bring a baby into such filth. I've since calmed down but only after making my poor husband spend most of the weekend scrubbing, bleaching and disinfecting our apartment. 

8) I continue to practice yoga and pilates at Laluna http://www.laluna.com/ and swear by both during pregnancy. I have also discovered the wonders of prenatal massage and may leave my husband for Sally at the Calabash hotel. http://www.calabashhotel.com/ She is magic!

The recipe I use http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/banana-bread

10) My amazing friends in Grenada threw me a beautiful baby shower. I love the West Indies the Baby shower went til 11 PM and was followed by an after party. I think it may be the only baby shower I'll ever attend that had most of the guests reporting hangovers the next day! It was a lovely evening and one I'll always remember, even if some of my guests don't! Thank you ladies!

The Hostesses

Some of the girls

Silly Games

11) I saw a sea turtle rescued from Laluna's pool one night. It took four adults to herd it out but eventually they got it. Was an amazing sight and definitely made a dry happy hour a lot more entertaining.

Sea Turtle in Laluna's Pool

12) I still attend the Church of Highland Fling. Will miss the congregants in my absence.Wonder if Baby Clark will be as devout as his/her parents????

A Sunday on Highland Fling II

So, that's it. The highlights of my last months before baby in Grenada. I leave Saturday and I'll come back with a baby. I can't believe it. Who knows maybe I'll even have time to write about it.