Goals

We are starting the long and daunting process of packing up our lives and preparing to move to the next phase. I'm not going to expound on my feelings about leaving. Will save that for another post but, to borrow a uniquely British expression. I am "gutted" to be leaving.

So back to the packing. It, to use a uniquely American expression "sucks." Enough said.

While packing we came across a list of goals that we made during our first week of marriage. I think the plan was to make goals every 6 months and have a sort of  "state of our union" meeting and check in with each other. Like most things that are started with the best of intentions; that first state of the union goal session was our last. But what was surprising was that most of the major goals we had set for ourselves have been or are on their way to being accomplished.  Some of course were not...and some we are a bit ahead of. Start family summer of 2011 can be crossed off! Some things on that list are funny...kind of what were we thinking when we wanted to do that, and some need extended deadlines and a few goals are lifelong works in progress.

Next goal. Stop procrastinating, get packed so we can move ourselves to the US via Malawi without losing our minds. "Please God." As they say in Grenada.

Wish for Motherhood

As a recent mother I am just figuring this whole thing out but with mother's day approaching thought I would put together a wish list for my journey through motherhood. So here goes...

If my child is not the star of the school play, little league team, debate team, little tumblers etc...grant me the good grace to sit through it with a smile on my lips and a look of feigned interest on my face.

If she is the star of the show let me display the appropriate amount of pride and hide the smug look confirming what I have known since birth...that my child really is head and shoulders above the rest.   

If the day comes that she does not make the cheerleading squad, first obo player or captain of the debate team let me comfort her with just the right words without turning texas cheerleader story mother...because I might just have a little bit of that in me.

Grant me the right balance of involved mom but, if I become helicopter mom someone shoot me down with a scud missile because everyone hates those parents.

When she is thirteen and doesn't want to be seen at the mall with me shopping for her first boy/girl dance outfit; grant me the patience to know that one day when we are shopping for a much more important dress she will turn to me beaming in white for approval and, I'll take her hand and cry when someone slips a veil on her head.

Grant me the good sense to know that being the "cool" mom is not as important as being a mom.

When she is old enough to have a drink with her friends and her mother, let me know when to call it quits. At no time do I ever want to have my name and Stifler's mom in the same sentence.

When my Friday nights turn into happy hour at family friendly restaurants let me know that I've been there done that and any club in NYC that would have me on a list now would not be worth going to anyway.

Give me the strength to let my child go and rest assured that if I have done my job right she will always come back.

Do not let my love for my child blind me. If I'm raising a mean girl I want to know.

Please don't let me raise a mean girl.

When my child comes home with someone special to her let me love him because she does and, remember that love comes in all sorts of shapes sizes and opinions.

Make me resentment free and at no time in the long journey that is motherhood let my frustration show. My inadequacies as a human should never be felt by my child. When they are give us both another dose of forgiveness.

Let me know when to ask for help and when I am strong enough to do it on my own.

In the wee hours of the morning when it's just the two of us let me cherish the time but,give me permission to know its ok that I think my child might actually be a terrorist trained in the art of sleep deprivation.

Give me a good sense of humor because at 3 in the morning sometimes laughter is the only medicine.

When I am tired and cranky and have had enough let me treat my husband with respect and love because how she sees me treat her dad will be how she treats others.

Let me remember that I was a wife first and if we break our marriage we'll break our daughter.

Grant us both a heaping dose of forgiveness. We will both make mistakes, often big ones but, if we can forgive we can learn and motherhood like life is nothing but a continual learning process.

I hope one day she'll feel the amazing awe inspiring love that mothers feel and somewhere in the first few weeks of sleep deprivation, angst and spit up she'll know what I know now. No one loves you like your mother.

Unexpected Similarities

They say a picture speaks a thousand words. Well....

This pose reminded me of this one...

Baby Essentials

Back When I read Vogue and bottle service meant something entirely different!

I'm struggling with this next post because it just seems so "momish" and feels a little bit loserish. As a side note I realize momish and loserish are not real words but, they were definitely adjectives I used when I was 25! Anyway, not sure when the transition happens but it has slowly been creeping in. I noticed it first at the magazine stand this summer I beelined to the pregnancy section and Vogue only came as an after thought. I know that action may be sacrilegious.... What to Expect When You are Expecting replaced the latest book off the NY Times best seller list. I have a lot (more than I would care to admit) of conversations about sleep, poop and eating patterns. But what I am about to do is totally uncool, very momish and when I was 25 I would have proclaimed myself a total loser!

Being a Mom is lovely.

A lot of my girlfriends are getting pregnant and starting that really scary and daunting process of registering. I've sent this list to a few friends and thought I would post it for future mothers. Things you'll need for the first few months. I know I had several anxiety attacks when trying to navigate Babies R' Us so hope this helps.











 BABY ESSENTIALS

Where you put all this baby lo

  













 
1) Swaddling Blankets http://www.adenandanais.com/  These are the BEST and you can get them at Target. I would also register at Target as well as Baby's R Us
2) The DVD The Happiest Baby on the Block. It teaches you how to swaddle and the 5's really do work for about the first month. Charlie lived as a burrito for the  1st month of life.
3) The Book Baby 411 It is awesome and so helpful. I would also get Expecting 411. I didn't discover it til my last few weeks so never bought it but read it at Borders and liked it better than What to Expect.
4) The soothie http://www.soothie-pacifier.com/ It's the one recommended for breast feeding moms and Charlie LOVES it. Also most hospitals are now recommending it and give them out.
5) A boppy 
6) A bath tub that has a shelf built in. Our whale tub had one and its really useful when they are little and slippery. http://www.target.com/Fisher-Price-Whale-of-a-Tub-Infant-Bathtub/dp/B0018Z8CN8
7) A bath mat to bathe the baby in the first few weeks til the stump for the umbilical cord falls off http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3618616
8) towels and TONS of wash cloths - bath products. There are a ton out there and we tried some of the fancier ones but my fav is Johnson and Johnson, they smell the best
9) cloth diapers which are great for burp rags
10) the diaper genie
11) a portable changing mat http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2756998 this is a lifesaver. i just throw it in my purse and go
12) car seat - we got the graco snug and ride it's great and no complaints
13) stroller - i would just get the snap and go til the baby gets bigger and you can decide what you want then. for the first three months you never take them out of the car seat so anything else is pointless.
14) Pack n'play...whatever model you want there are a million. i would skip the bassinet and just use the pack n'play by your bed for the first few months
15) monitor - I would get one that has a video monitor
16) bouncy seat - Baby won't use it for the first few weeks but then they are really handy
17) swing - someone gave us one to borrow. charlie can take it or leave it so i don't think its a must have but some people swear by them
18) crib - whatever you like
19) changing unit - Some friends have converted a dresser into a changing unit...I think that is a great idea then it can grow with you.
20) High Chair - Can't recommend as we don't have one yet
21) activity mat - any one will do.
22) Sleep dresses - these are the BEST for the first few weeks. They are so easy when you have to do the middle of the night feeds and changes http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=3251926
23) Glider - not essential but I loved mine and miss not having one in Grenada
24) Baby carrier - we have baby bjorn and the baby sling, Balboa Baby, and I like both. Some people prefer ergo baby so just check and see what you like
25) Secure Sleeper  http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Close-Secure-Sleeper/dp/B003HD7SNY/ref=sr_1_3%3FSubscriptionId%3Dundefined%26tag%3Druyi-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB003HD7SNY
26) Good Girlfriends to have a glass of wine or two with and remind you that you are still you.

Now that I've posted this incredibly momish post I'm going to have to organize a girls night out to try and redeem myself or beg Keith and Suzie to hold a church service on Highland Fling II so we can wine!

What a View

Needed a Reminder this morning to stop and enjoy the view!

Broken Computer

My computer is refusing to turn on so am forced to use my husbands i-pad til we can get back to the US and get the situation fixed. I know...most people would love to have an i-pad but I'm missing my computer. I am not used to it and mispell words all the time...Just read my last post and saw all the spelling mistakes but can't/or don't want to find the time to go back and edit it. So, I'm not a complete moron(just partial) but until I get the hang of this ipad business I may slaugther the English language for a few more weeks.

In other news we have about 5 more weeks left on the island and I am ignoring the fact we are leaving. I need to get with the program and start getting organized. We house sat last week and the amount of stuff we needed for a week in someone elses house was mind blowing. I can't even comprehend how we are going to move a baby back to the US via Africa. I seem to be ignoring a lot of things at the moment. My hair smells reall horrific, Charlie threw up on me this morning and, every time I turn my head I get a whiff of it. But am too tired and lazy to shower so am just pretending I dont smell it. Also ignoring the fact I have to go back to work in a few months and my stint as a Caribbean house wife is coming to an end. No more sushi lunches and play dates on the beach and yoga at Laluna. I'm getting sad to see it all end so I'm ignoring it. Would stick my head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening but might pass out from the smell of my own hair.

What's the Hardest Thing You've ever Done?

The other day John mentioned that the hardest thing he had done to date was vet school. He then added rather dramatically that it was even harder than climbing Mount Kiliminjaro. Judging from the amount of stress he has been under the last few weeks...I have no doubt.

Anyway, our conversation got me thinking what's the hardest thing you've ever done? John asked me and I said automatically, "child birth" (I guess the memory has not yet faded) but, then I thought that can't be the hardest thing I have ever done. Women do it everyday often without modern medicine and, I hear teenagers are now doing it on reality tv while telling off their 'baby daddy'. So, no, I must have done something more monumental than child birth.

At one time in my life just getting up and going to work at a job I hated seemed like it was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. As marketing director for a mall I thought I might just lose it if I had to face one more bunny breakfast or deal with one more season of drunk, narcoleptic santas. This prompted what might have been the best but, at the time seemingly most bizarre decision I ever made. I quite my job moved to Zambia and lived in a game park trading drunk santas for inebriated ganme rangers and fake bunnys for a pride of lions. I have to say the lions ended up being a lot less scary. That was an exciting and terrifying decision but not the hardest thing I've ever one. Though as I met my husband, one of the better decisions I've ever made.

Some days I think taking Charlie for an outing might be the hardest thing I've ever done. To go out and about in Grenada she needs more changes of clothing than a runway model. If you happen to be out as the sun sets and the temp drops from 90 to 85 and you don't have full length pajamas a hat and heavy blanket you will bring down the wrath of every Grenadian woman upon your head. If child child services existed here they might just have Charlie hauled off as her negligent mother is causing "the chile to catch cold." The first few weeks we were back I thought raising a baby in Grenada might be the hardest thing I would ever do because of the amount of advice I recieved, but the day they told me I would break my child's back is the day I stopped listening so island life is back to being a snap as long as the car is working, you don't mind no running hot water, etc...etc..

Now that I think of it the hardest thing I've ever done might have been finding someone on this island who hadn't heard about our troubled car and selling it to them.

I'm not sure what the hardest thing I have ever done is. As I'm not that ancient maybe I haven't done it yet. I do have a sneaky suspicion that when it comes to children, child birth might be the easy part, raising them well or as my 8th grade science teacher used to say having "good home training" may be the hard part.

What's the hardest thing you've ever done?

A Gentle Reminder

A few weeks ago I was dashing out of the house to go for a run before we took Charlie for her evening walk. It seems that whenever I am doing anything on my own these days I try to do it at warp speed except perhaps my actual run...As someone remarked the other day. " Good to see you running again, but it must be tough getting back into it. You used to fly around here like a gazelle..." I notice they never finished the end of the sentence the implication being I now lumber around like a buffalo...

As I was running out of the house to start my run, an older gentlemen that we often pass on our evening walks stopped to talk to me just as I was about to get going. Pressed for time and anxious to start my run I was very annoyed that he wanted to strike up a conversation, but my southern upbringing kicked in and I smiled and told myself to be polite. We chatted for a few minutes about the weather and other mundane things and then he told me his kids were grown, his wife was gone and his grand children were in other countries. He then said something which broke my heart. He was lonely. Everyone was gone and he now walked the roads of lance aux epines alone.

John and I have always walked or run in the evenings. Since we began our relationship its our time to reconnect with one another and tell each other about our days without the distractions of phones, computers, tv etc...Its our thing and, its what keeps us healthy emotionally and physically as a couple. We first started running in Zambia and we would run through the village picking up children along the way. By the end of the run we had 30 kids running with us screaming "mizungu, mizungu" (translation white person). They annoyingly would be turning cartwheels and running barefoot as John and I panted towards the finish line. Nevertheless we continued to plod along as these children embarrassingly ran circles around us.

We have continued our walks/runs and they have been one of the constants in our nomadic and ever changing life the past four years. Our twosome has now become a threesome and we walk and talk with Charlie in tow much like we did before. Though some things are different, we can no longer run together so we go in shifts, our eyes are glued on the baby, we don't occasionally hold hands anymore (someone has to push that massive stroller around) and both of us are often so tired or preoccupied that conversation doesn't always flow like it used to. We are usually hurried and frazzled and as 5-7 from what I am told is the universal witching hour for babies we know that at the end of the walk our peaceful little angel has it in her to turn on us, and become a fussing banshee.


My heart broke a little bit for the lonely old man but, I'm glad we had that encounter because it reminded me to slow down. It goes so fast. Some days all I want is five minutes to myself but one day soon all I'll have too many minutes to myself.  Some day I may walk alone with no worries or hurries just memories and, I know I'll wish I could do it all over again.