Learner Drivers

If there is one thing in Grenada that drives me absolutely crazy it is ironically the driving on this island. However it's more specific than just the erratic rules, the breakneck speeds, the rule less round-a-bouts, and the insolent and death defying Reggae bus drivers that define the Grenada driving culture that drive me insane. What I can not abide is the 'learner driver.' I despise the learner driver. I spend 80% of my island driving time behind the learner driver, and I have developed an unusual, unhealthy all encompassing hatred of the learner driver. I would now post a photo of aforementioned learner driver performing some asinine driving move (that is illegal in every driving manual and country), but would you believe it I set out Thursday morning to capture this spectacle on film (as I am ALWAYS behind one) and I have not come across one learner driver since I've had the camera in my car. It's as if they are mocking me because they know I want to publicly ridicule them...whatever I am installing a camera to my dash in the hope it will keep these people away from me.

For those of you not familiar with the learner driver phenomenon let me enlighten you. This is the process that citizens of Grenada go through in order to obtain their driving license. The actual process, rules and regulations escape me. I am just reporting on what I have observed so, I have no idea what you actually have to do to pass or how many lessons you have to take before you can apply for your license. Judging from my observations I would guess there must be some sort of 17 point Austin Powers style turn on the test and the lessons must be at least a year as I have seen the same geniuses performing the 17 point turn for the last year.

Now I don't understand the 17 point turn and would not really let this incredibly sophisticated driving maneuver bother me if this maneuver was not performed during rush hour (well Grenada's equivalent) on probably the second busiest road in Grenada. I always and I means always am a witness to this part of the driving lesson. The learner spits and sputters and stalls through every turn of the wheel in the 17 point turn. The process ends up taking at least 12 minutes leaving the non learner driver almost murderous, because the learner manages to somehow take up the entire section of road thus, blocking traffic in both directions leaving non-learner drivers no choice but to lay on the horn and shout obscenities. This of course causes more stalling and sputtering from learner driver, and you would almost feel sorry for learner driver but as they are performing this ILLEGAL maneuver on the equivalent of Lexington Ave in New York I don't feel that sorry for them. Maybe actually who I hate is not learner driver, but learner driver instructor, for picking rush hour and a busy road in Grenada to teach this irrelevant and utterly stupid move.

I also can not wrap my brain around the reversing on the wrong side of the road move that is an integral part of every lesson. I swear to you this is actually taught and if you are a runner in my neighborhood you live in constant fear of this move. Learner driver moves to the right side of the road (we drive on the left here) and begins to reverse for about a 1/4 of a mile. This is strange as I am not sure why you would ever reverse on a main road, but really don't understand why you would reverse into oncoming traffic. Again I question learner driver instructor and am thinking I need to switch my disdain from learner driver to the instructor. As learner driver is not very adept at reversing, they tend to weave all over the show, runners have to be on their toes so they don't get hit. If you were hit by a learner driver chances are you wouldn't be hurt, as they travel no faster than 3 miles an hour, there is one exception to this. When reversing into oncoming traffic they go considerably faster.

The speed of the learner driver is truly something to behold, but what's even more astonishing is how learner driver goes from driving no faster than 3 mph to getting their license and never driving below 90 mph. How they make the transition from learner to typical maniac Grenada driver I do not know, but no one in Grenada with the exception of the learner driver drives less than 90 mph and the Reggae bus drivers go even faster. I am confused by this as no one does anything quickly in Grenada except drive. So while maniac Grenada driver will almost kill you to get to the grocery store ahead of you; they will then walk so slowly into the grocery store you'll be done shopping and on your way home by the time they enter the grocery store.

For those of you  wondering how to spot the learner driver (as they are alluding me and so I can't provide photographic evidence of their existence) whenever you come across a small hatch-back car with a large "L" hanging from its backside and a line of cars honking and hand gesturing you've found one.

I know I should be more tolerant and I should feel sorry the learner driver is subjected to such abysmal learning conditions, but everyone has a vice and it appears mine is immense dislike of the learner driver. Well it's one vice among many but that is for another posting...So I remain unapologetic for my disgust for the learner driver.

I do have a show idea for Top Gear. I think they should have to drive around Grenada with a learner driver. Now that would make for good TV.