Professional Help

 

My favorite Little Chef

After my recent mishap in the kitchen I decided to enlist the help of a professional, and I had my first cooking lesson on Tuesday with a trained chef who just happens to be on the island because his wife is in vet school. I have to confess as much as I enjoyed it I found it very stressful. The first lesson was on hygiene, cross contamination and knife skills. As he was going over kitchen cleanliness I started having a panic attack on the inside. What if he thought we were dirty and went home and told his wife? I would be mortified.

Now we had just had Sally (we LOVE Sally, our cleaner) in on Saturday so I was fairly certain the stove, oven and fridge were clean, but what if he found some other violation? I would die of shame...and I did a few minutes later when he pointed out my plastic cutting board, held it up to the sunlight and showed me how yellow it was from bacteria. I wanted the earth to open and and swallow me whole, then he found a very expensive pan that needed to be scrubbed within an inch of its life with steel wool and my face burned with shame. I won't even begin to describe my mortification at my abysmal knife skills...my embarrassment was compounded by the fact that I have a few very nice knives and apparently had no idea how to use them.

My mortification is due in part to the fact that A) I am a people pleaser and want to do things right and B) I hate doing something I am not good at.  So, there I was a knife klutz with a bacteria infested cutting board trying not too embarrass myself while chopping an onion with my very expensive knife on my nasty cutting board. I was failing miserably.

I have to say, I hated that onion, hated it more than I have ever hated an inanimate object. It was my nemesis and making me look stupid. I couldn't believe I was losing to an onion...As much as he told me not to tense up and get nervous. I did...This onion was in my head and I was like a golfer with the yips. I just could not cut up that onion. Mercifully after fumbling my way through a few more vegetables my lesson ended.

I woke up the next day and couldn't move the right side of my body. Apparently that onion had wreaked havoc on more than my psyche....I had internalized all the tension,embarrassment and failure and knotted up my shoulder muscles so badly it took two days of yoga to undo.

Other than being a people pleaser and not enjoying looking stupid,I can also be very stubborn, determined and competitive so what did I do. Well I went out and bought every brother, sister and cousin to that onion and since Tuesday have been chopping with a vengeance. No onion is getting the better of me. Am I impressive with a knife? Well, no...but I no longer throw my back out while slicing and dicing.

This Tuesday I tackle a chicken...God help us

Disclaimer: The above is not to suggest that I did not really enjoy my lesson or learn a lot. I am actually really looking forward to tacking the chicken. It is more a reflection on my own mental issues, and perhaps on further reflection I need professional help in the kitchen and in life if I can let an onion take down my body physically and mentally. Also my cutting board has since been soaked in bleach and aforementioned pot has been scrubbed until my knuckles were raw.